Oh, my Ollie Boy,
Tonight is the last night of the year in which you were thirteen. As is always the case, it doesn't seem possible, but I've learned to trust that it is and to try to savor more moments as they pass, like they're a currency in savings I need to hold onto forever.
This past year has been a year of incredible growth for you, and not only physically, now that you are almost the exact same height as me. I laugh to myself thinking back to tiny little Collin, who was asked what he wanted to be when he grew up, and he answered "tall." You're almost there now, with a lower voice and darker hair, and while you felt like it took forever, it seemed to happen in a flash in my momma eyes.
You've grown emotionally, mentally, and spiritually as well. While getting older does present challenges, especially with emotional regulation, I have been impressed with your ability to handle it, most of the time. Your "race-car thoughts" and instant reactions have slowed, and your ability to process a moment has increased. You recover from hard moments so much easier, and are much wiser in your age. I have loved watching you and your brother become great friends, and you and your sister strengthen your bond as well. It has been wonderful to watch you all enjoy things together.
I am so grateful, though, that even with all of this growth, you're still attached to me. I love that you want to be around me, are not afraid to hug me in public, say "I love you," and just generally spend time together even if the world is watching. You have sown your roots into family traditions, expeditions, and memories, and to see you grounded in love for your family (both nuclear and extended) leads me to believe that you will always feel that we are your home and your safe space, which is what I've wanted for you all along.
I know sometimes you still worry about not fitting in or that you won't find your space and your people in this world, but I truly believe that you will, and that it's happening now. In many years past, changes and upset have thrown you off, but now, you're able to rely on consistency and confidence in ways you had not before. It's beautiful to watch my prayers be answered in that way.
Your sense of humor and sense of exploration still continue to amaze me. You're wise and well-spoken, and you've become more in-tune with the world around you. I love that things that fascinated you when small continue to as you continue to grow, and that the intellectual and adventurous appeal of paleontology, archaeology, and other sciences still have a hold of your heart and mind. One of my favorite memories of your thirteenth year was visiting the archaeological dig with you, and seeing how incredibly focused and excited you were walking around, observing, interacting, and asking questions. Not many people I know look at a pile of dirt and debris and are excited by it in the way that you are, and it's one of the unique and treasured things about you that I hold dear.
Over the past year, you've become more in-tune with your own mind and personality. I've watched you learn to advocate for yourself in ways you haven't before, and put words to things that cause you to struggle. You have been able to step back from the heat of a moment to process situations before reacting more than you ever have. You truly have grown so much.
It's been a delight to watch you grow into your role as an older cousin, taking responsibility and care for your younger ones, being firm in redirection sometimes but also full of joyful play.
We joke lately about you being a cat whisperer, and it's a joy to watch cats from various places seek you out, crawl up into your arms, and purr, especially if they're not usually a cuddly feline. They can sense the gentleness in your soul.
Of course, there's always room for growth in some of the weaker spots, like working hard to control which of the thoughts in your brain sneak through your lips, but even that has been steadily improving with your maturity. Thank you for always taking redirection knowing that it's stemming from a place of love.
I know that you aren't excited about your last year of middle school, but I pray that you embrace it and continue to find your footing in the space, hold onto friendships you've made, and really connect with your peers. I know you are excited for archaeology club in high school, and I hope that continues to be your goal for your middle school graduation. I pray that you are a good role model and mentor for the younger kids in school now that you are in the oldest class. I pray that you treat people with respect and kindness, regardless of how connected you to feel to them. I love seeing the smile on your teachers faces when we walk the halls together, and the care that they have for you, reaching out to me periodically with anecdotes or questions. People truly do invest in you, buddy.
Collin, I pray that you never lose your sense of adventure and exploration. I pray that your bravery continues to develop. I pray that you always feel loved and appreciated, seen and heard, and never that you do not belong. You do. You were made and placed perfectly into this family and our entire support system. You are treasured more than you realize.
Thank you for loving deeply, fiercely, steadily, and wholly. Thank you for never hesitating to give a hug. Thank you for saying I love you regularly. Thank you for bringing a new perspective into many situations. Thank you for always standing up for those you love, no matter what. Thank you for being a fierce protector. Thank you for bringing joy into my world.
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