Beside You

Spencer,

Tonight, for the first time in quite a long time, you were the last of the children awake at bedtime. It was quite a surprise when you, and not your brother, walked out of the bedroom at 10:42pm. I shouldn't have been surprised since you suddenly napped around 6pm after playing hard all afternoon making your sister giggle like crazy.

"Mommy, I'm tired," you spoke softly as you approached me. "Will you come lay by me?"

How could I resist? I dropped what I was doing and replied, "absolutely, buddy."

As I lay there, running my fingers through your hair as I have countless nights before, your eyelids started closing and your breath became more steady. It took only a few short minutes before you were sound asleep.

I stayed a while to watch you, to study your profile, and take in the quiet moment, just holding my baby boy.

I noticed I had the blanket tucked right up under your chin, and with the pale glow of the owl nightlight behind you, I had a flashback.

It was our first night alone together, November 2, 2010. You were one day old. Your dad had gone home for the night to tend to our dog, and I told him "It's okay. I got this." It was a long night, the first of many long nights, and you fought sleep like a champion. After I finally had you calmed down and dreaming, I placed your swaddled, tiny body in the bassinet by my hospital bed and took this photo to commemorate:

Tonight, not quite five years later, my tall, lanky, handsome little boy looked identical, in my mind, to your newborn baby self. I could see the same profile, and found it remarkable how you looked so similar and yet so strikingly different at the same time.

I remembered those words. "It's okay. I got this," and tears welled up in my eyes. Perhaps, they are more poignant and applicable to our lives now than they were that first night together.

I remember telling your newborn self that you were the best thing that had ever happened to us.

I still tell you that you're the best thing that has ever happened to me. I whisper it at night sometimes when you're falling asleep. 

It's still true. You (and your brother and sister) very much are my greatest blessings.

You've recently started saying it back. It caught me completely off guard the first time, and each time after, I think my heart skips a beat.

We are in this together, buddy. We are in it forever. You made me a mommy, and we are learning as we go. But we will conquer the battles that may lay before us, and we will build a house filled with love.

My firstborn baby boy, (how dare I call you that, right? You're a big boy now...) I love you.  Thank you for asking me to lay beside you tonight, and therefore, unknowingly reminding me that "I've got this" and life will be okay, even if it's vastly different from how we began our journey together.

-Mommy

It's been a while, but here I am, blogging again!

Hey ya'll!

After a week and a half of internet-less existence (as in, no fully functional computer at home), I'm back!

I had my 3 hour glucose test a week ago Tuesday, and I passed. This was the same day that Lindsay Lohan went to jail, which obviously makes the occasion all that more memorable.

I went in and ended up being there for almost five hours, actually. I got to watch people line up and stalk miss Lohan for quite some time, before and after her sentencing and transportation to jail. Not going to lie, I was amused. My favorite part: when someone threw glitter as she arrived at the courthouse. I found myself in a fit of giggles in the waiting room with people from across the room giving me the stink eye. I didn't care. I was on a sugar buzz!

I decided though, if I went to jail, I sure hope it would be as important to people as Lohan's jailing was. I mean, really. I want paparazzi, and someone sure as heck better be stalking me via helicopter cam. It's the only reason I can think of going to jail as worthwhile. Publicity! Woohoo! Luckily, I have quite a few friends who are camera savvy, so I'll just have to let them know.

Yeah right, like I could see myself being in jail.

Moving on. Spencer! He's doing well. He's getting big, or so it feels, and I'm 26 weeks 3 days today. I find my abdomen hurts randomly and I have cramps that hurt pretty badly sometimes (the doctor says it's Braxton Hicks contractions, so that's fun).

The other morning, Jake and I were in bed, with his arms around me, and we both felt Spencer kick and punch at the same time, on opposite sides of my abdomen. It was awesome, and kind of weird. That's when I realized how big he must be!

Jake says I'm getting pretty "pregnant" too. That's a nice way of saying my belly is big, I guess.

I had my sister take a few photos of me tonight, using an idea that came to me when Spencer wouldn't stop kicking one night as I tried to fall asleep. I'm actually sucking in my stomach for this one, but it's the only one the words were really clear. We're going to redo the photo shoot when it's not getting dark outside, and that will help.

Here's the clear one.

FYI: My resizing job sucks so it's kind of strange looking. Deal.

Last night, Jake decided to stack our DVD towers on top of each other and put the TV on top of both of them. It's now half a foot from the ceiling, give or take. Random info for you.

Alright, that's all I've got for now. I'm going to spend time with my wonderful sister.

Much love!