That's what you told me, tonight, that you want me to refer to you as when you're six- "Norah Girl." It's to mirror that you call Spencer "Spencie Boy" and Collin "Ollie Bear," and "Norah B" is reserved for some special others in your life. I suppose it's time I move on from calling you "Pip" or "Bubs," but I can't guarantee that it will happen. I'll try to refer to you by the requested name though. You said you would try to remind me.
We will see what tomorrow holds.
What I do know tonight holds, though, is a beautiful five-year-old little lady, snuggled up in the fort she made out of her bunk bed, with her new nightlight tree from Grandma plugged in and sitting at your feet. Tonight is your last night being five.
Goodness girl, you are excited about that.
If I'm honest, your brothers, as the day went on, became a tiny bit annoyed listening to you go on and on a thousand words a minute (roughly) about how tomorrow is going to be the best day, because it's your birthday, and you will be six. They surely couldn't wait for you to stop at bedtime, and the look in their eyes said it all.
Momma, on the other hand? I loved listening to your excitement.
You see, this birthday... this one is different.
It sounds so cliche to blame it on this pandemic that's spreading throughout the globe, but it really is to blame for the strangeness this birthday presents to us. School is closed, the world is nearly shut own, and we are stuck here at home while I overcome the virus that's tried to take over my lungs.
You've been praying frequently for the last 11 days, for "corona VIRUS" to leave your momma alone. As much as I hate the words, the way you say it, with the emphasis on the end, is just adorable.
I'm sorry the past few weeks at home have been so hard, leading up to your birthday. I know I've been asleep so much, sick so much, a bit crabby, and just not my normal self.
But baby girl, you've been phenomenal. You refuse to accept that I shouldn't be with you, and you snuggle up beside me as soon as you decide you miss me. Your brother do too, but not as much as you. You don't want to leave my side. I know it's partially concern, and it's a lot of loneliness. You've always been such a social sunshine, and being isolated at home for two weeks already has been hard on you.
I've seen you cry about missing your family, your friends, church, school, and daycare more than I care to admit. I have held you, wishing I could make this isolation and virus go away.
But instead, we've just been here, together. You've been praying for me. I've been praying for you.
I've been so worried, since school first was cancelled, that your birthday would be sad. You see, I had taken the day off work to surprise you for lunch and in your kindergarten classroom. I couldn't wait. But that was taken away.
So then, I decided since I had the day off, we would surprise you with a trip to daycare to see your friends for a treat, so you could celebrate anyway.
Then I got super sick. And since I'm still sick, we cannot do that either.
We can't even have people over.
But it's okay. You've shown me over and over that my prayers surrounding your special day have been answered. I was so worried you would be crushed by the isolation and saddened by all the losses involved.
But you haven't been crushed. You have been a little sad. But it won't overtake your joy.
The most beautiful thing happened this morning. You knew that since I am still sick and we can't leave, we couldn't even get birthday decorations.
You wouldn't let that get you down. So you made them yourself. And you decorated the apartment with our help. You spent the entire day just filled with joy over these decorations. And then when someone dropped off streamers, we hung those too. And tomorrow, there will be surprises that people have dropped off at the door, and the gifts that I ordered online- even though I couldn't leave. And your brothers, this year, sorry babe, but they're getting some stuff too. It's a hard time for them as well. They'll forgive you for all the birthday talk when they see they are most definitely not forgotten or overlooked.
And tomorrow, you'll have video chats and phone calls and written messages from people who care about you. There's even a surprise visit being planned for the deck sliding glass door. So, it won't really be just us. We will be the only ones in the apartment, but you will still celebrate with people who love you, because goodness darling, you love people.
Sweet Pea, you radiate joy. Yes, you have other, strong, explosive emotions, but overall, you are just filled with joy. You have been since the day you were born. I think I say it every year in your letter, but God knew what He was doing when he brought you to us. You may be the smallest, but goodness, you love like the biggest of them all.
This past year has been chaotic, beginning school, having your dad come back into your life, bringing a new family into your life as well, but you've handled it all with grace. Yes, there have been some pretty intense struggles, but you were never broken down. And you've become stronger, smarter, and more fierce, both good and not-as-good ways. You've become a bit more sassy, a bit more emotionally charged, and hugely more humorous. While you do talk... oh... pretty much non-stop, it's usually quite fun listening to you. I especially love listening to you play with your toys by yourself. You're so creative and come up with some of the most interesting scenarios.
You told me yesterday that someday you hope to have a daughter, and name her Maria, but also you don't want to get married and have kids so maybe you'll just have a dog named Willow. Then you walked away.
Alright, Norah girl. You know I love you beyond words. I know you know I pray for you. For this year, specifically though, I pray that you do not let the world rob you of your sunshine. Do not let the world dull your sparkle. Do not let the world steal your joy. Carry on with Jesus shining in your heart, so you may carry on loving others the way that you do. I pray that you continue to grow into your bravery. I pray that your patience develops even more deeply. I pray that your creativity and imagination continue to blossom and bloom. You have so many amazing things in store for you and I cannot wait to see what invaluable treasures you bring into this world. I pray that you know that no matter what, I am on your side, and I'll always be here, and there are countless others who feel the same. I pray you always know God loves you more than I ever could, even though neither of us can figure out how that would be possible.
You told me today that you love me most of all. When you walked away, I cried.
I love you, and your brothers, most of all too.
You are the best things that ever happened to me, and I am so glad that you're mine.
Happy Sixth Birthday, Baby Girl.
Love,
Momma
