In the summer of 2001, the story of our romance began. It began in the basement of a new friend's parents' house after my best friend and I returned from a college visit in another state. It began with a smile.
We were swept away hastily and the pages began filling and turning. The chapters are filled with such joy, humor, adventures, trials, and tribulations. The story really covers quite the gamut of the human experience.
We had a song- "A Page is Turned" by Bebo Norman. The lyrics were poignant and incredibly applicable to our love story, but the artist was also significant, as we discovered him together, our first official summer together, in the hot summer sun at front row of an outdoor acoustic stage. Acoustic guitars and music were a huge theme in our saga.
Today, the last page has turned. The weight of that page was like a lead anvil. It hit, hard.
A part of me wants to take these pages, these stories, shred them up and toss them into a strong breeze, scattering them all across a barren field on a gravel country road like the many we traveled in our days together. Part of me wants to close the covers and lock them up like one of the many high school and college diaries I wrote my hopes and dreams for our love in, shove them under the bed and leave them there until I die. Part of me wants to read them over and over in my little reading spot with a cup of coffee and my babies playing on the floor beside me, savoring every word, getting lost like it was never a true story, just a good book. Part of me wants to pretend it never happened. Part of me wishes we could start over. Part of me longs for what the next pages of my life will bring.
Instead, I find myself sitting here, holding my breath, choking back tears and trembling, stuck in a moment. My eyes burn and my head pounds after cycling between holding back tears and letting them flow all day long. I find myself going from moment to moment in joy and in heartbreak, relief and sorrow. I knew this was coming, and have been waiting for this final page for months. It doesn't make it any easier.
I guess it's time for an empty page.