Dearest Spencer,
Is it true? It this really your last year before becoming an official teenager? It doesn’t seem real at all, but the calendar and your height tell me it has to be reality.
You are awesome. I hope you know that. Deep in your heart, I hope you believe it, because it’s absolutely true.
I know that you struggle with feeling your value and seeing your worth sometimes. We all do, really. But Spencer, there are so many ways that you exhibit what an amazing human you are. You notice people that others may overlook, and you are so kind to them. You do little favors for people, or offer kindness in ways of help or gifts, even though you don’t think anyone’s watching. So many times, I’ve heard about it, and you’ve always just shrugged, because to you, it wasn’t a big deal. To them- it was huge. You make a lasting impact in a positive way even when you’re not aiming to do so. This happens more often than you’d think, and it makes my heart so very happy when I hear these things. You make me so proud.
This year has been messy, as we have noticed almost every year is in some way, but overall, it’s been a good year. With your maturity, we have been able to relate on deeper levels, and your sense of humor aligns even more with mine than ever before. I have loved mornings and afternoons when it’s just us in the car and we can chat and joke around together. You’re so quick witted, which shouldn’t be surprising to me, but somehow, you still find a way to catch me off guard. I also find joy in taking selfies with you to commemorate our silly conversations, and secretly, have saved most of them in my phone. Now you know. I love when we have time some weeks to have special secret coffee and donut breakfasts before school and how it was a beautiful transition from the loss of lunches together in elementary school.
You’re a brilliant mind, kiddo. I know that the transition into middle school is a little rough with new and heavier expectations, but I really believe that you will grow to love it more and more, and continue to meet people who you relate to and build lasting friendships with. I’m so excited to see what your future holds academically. I know I’ve told you in the past that I was smart and got great grades in school, and I like to think you get a lot of that from me, but I really can’t wait to see your potential unleashed because I can see that my ceiling will be your floor and you will accomplish so many great things in your life. It’s interesting to me to listen to how your mind processes things, and it astounds me to see the ease at which you pick up on new skills and talents.
I love listening to you play the piano, guitar, and viola (although I would prefer it wasn’t at the exact moment I ask you to get into bed at night). I love singing along to the radio with you, in harmony, and in unison, sometimes making up our own lyrics or discussing ones we have heard and what they mean. I can’t wait to hear the melodies you produce throughout your life. Your story will be a song.. I feel it.
One thing that has happened in the last year that totally surprised me, and in a great way, was to see your love for younger kids burst open wide. It’s a bittersweet thing to not have you at the daycare where I work anymore, because you’re “too old” as you began making so many friends with the toddlers and preschoolers and I could see them light a spark of joy in you that was new and exciting. I’m so thankful that you have younger cousins in your life that and that joy can continue sparking into brighter flames.
You’re a fierce protector of those you love, even if sometimes, like your siblings, or your mom, they also can irritate you. When you feel someone is being wronged, you are there to stand for what is right, and I am so proud of you for that.
I could go on and on about how many wonderful things I see in you, but I also know that you’re probably blushing and feeling awkward at this point and wishing that I would stop. So, I will continue to try and sprinkle these truths around for you in our regular day to day lives and just pray you pick up on them.
Speaking of prayers, I want you to know that I’m still praying fervently for you to feel your value and your worth, and that all the lies you have believed of your self based on former life circumstances, trauma, or words from others fall away. They are nothing but lies, and you are perfectly made as you are. I pray that you’ll feel yourself fitting in, not just as a part of our family unit, but as an individual, in places and groups around you. I pray that your kind heart continues to grow and your light continues to shine, because there’s a beacon inside of you buddy, I can see it. I pray that you laugh more than ever before, find so much joy in all circumstances, latch onto the perseverance that is inside of you, and carry on with bravery as you always have. I pray that the struggles you find yourself facing are overcome and you feel stronger on the other side.
I pray you know I’m always for you, never against you, and never going anywhere. I’ll always be right here with my arms waiting to hug you, my ears waiting to hear you, and my heart loving you continuously. Sappy, I know, but as you know, that’s who I am.
So, my dear boy, the one who is continuing to teach me how to be a mother, testing the boundaries and shaping my heart, I am so thankful that God chose us to figure out this life together. We were made for each other, and as I told you just the other day, I have wanted you since I was a girl your age- and I prayed that someday God would bring you into my life. I am so incredibly thankful that he did.
Love you always, no matter what…
Mom (Bruh.)
