Today is a day filled with bittersweet joy.
Today is my husband's first Father's Day! It fills me with excitement to be able to proclaim that. I love watching Spencer and Jake interact. For example, although Spencer was up late last night, it was adorable (beyond words) to see him fill with such happiness as Jake walked through the door. He sat on Jake's lap, all up in his face, basically, smiling and talking and reaching out to him for quite some time. He was purely elated that his daddy was home. I wouldn't trade that for anything!
Though, as often has happened in my lifetime, Father's Day Weekend falls in accordance to my Gma's birthday. And, as is the case now, she is no longer with us on this earth. Today, in fact, is her birth date.
Most years I am internally burdened by sadness and continued mourning at this loss of one of my best friends. Last year, I threw a family reunion on her birthday, and it helped replace some of the sorrow with joy.
This year, as I dwell on the new life and fatherhood in our household, I am going to make a conscious effort to dwell on the joy of the "old" life that once walked the earth beside me and focus not as much on my loss (though it is inevitable at this point that I still will from time to time), but on the fact that my Gma was the best of friends, and that she would be exuberant to celebrate her birthday alongside Jake's first Father's Day.
When I woke up this morning, thinking of my Grandma, Brad Paisley's "When I Get Where I'm Going" popped into my head. That song, most definitely, reminds me of her.
Yeah when I get where I'm going,
there'll be only happy tears.
I will shed the sins and struggles,
I have carried all these years.
And I'll leave my heart wide open,
I will love and have no fear.
Yeah when I get where I'm going,
Don't cry for me down here.
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