Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Let's Just Be Honest...

...sometimes, I'm an emotional basketcase.

Lately, a lot more than normal, it seems, but I might be mistaken. I guess I don't keep a log of how many times I cry.

The past week or so, I just have been weeping easily, more frequently than normal it seems (no, I am not pregnant for those who automatically associate emotions with pregnancy).

My brother deployed for Kuwait. I bawled myself to sleep.
I was having issues with low self-esteem and symptoms of my PCOS. I bawled myself to sleep.
One of my best friends (and she's a new friend, which makes it harder, I think) is moving to Alaska in less than a month. And, to top it off, Jake's twin is moving too! I cried and then fought back tears and then cried some more. Happy for both of them, but it's going to be a huge change to have them both gone.
I didn't have much alone time the past few weeks. I cried hard about it.
I was feeling super sick with a sinus infection yesterday and had to deal with Spencer teething. I cried multiple times.

And then.. the kicker. Spencer is getting teeth.

While that's a super-exciting-happy-milestone in babyland, it also send me into a fit of tears and sobs one night as I lay in bed next to Jake. He asked "what's wrong?" I broke down instantaneously and replied, sobbing heavily, "I don't want Spencer to get teeth!"

Why? It seems so strange and silly, but it makes sense. As I explained to him, the appearance of teeth means "goodbye, toothless baby-grin. hello, toddler-mouth."

Yeah, I associate, in my heart, his teeth with the absence of baby-hood. Granted, he's still a baby, but once those teeth come in fully, he'll look so much older. He's got more hair than many babies I know, and has for quite some time. He's very tall. He looks much older than he is without teeth, and with teeth, well... I don't want people asking how old he is and when I tell them "9 months" they say, "he looks so much older!"


DANGIT, why can't time stand still, just for a while?! Seriously.

You hear all the time from experienced parents who say "time really flies by" and other variations of that. And I knew it, but I just didn't... feel it to my core.. like I did the other night. Time goes WAY TOO FAST. He is almost ONE! WHAT?!

ACK. Okay, time to go before I get emotional again. Haha.


  1. I cried a couple days ago for the loss of the toothless baby grin in Judah. It doesn't get easier the more children you have. Those tears are precious. Thank you for sharing your heart Nicole.

  2. I love how transparent you are in your posts...I don't think I'm strong enough to put myself out there like this, but I love knowing your heart. Though Lila is only 3 months, I completely agree with you - she's growing so fast, and I wish time would just stand still for a while...it's hard to believe that it's been so long since she was kicking me from the inside. While I'm excited to see the woman she'll become, I'd be okay with her staying right where she is for a few months so I can soak it up.