I love to create. I love photography, painting, coloring, crafting, crocheting, singing, wood burning, and so many other random ways of seeing something come into being by the work of my mind and my hands.
I love writing. I love writing beautiful words in script, I love writing notes and letters, I love writing down my thoughts and sharing them with others when applicable. I have kept a journal or a blog of some kind for most of my life.
Last year, it was spoken over me that I would speak in front of people. I saw that come to life shortly after, giving a portion of my testimony in front of the women’s group at church, and then by opening up Christmas Eve church a couple of months later. But, as I’ve said to multiple people, I write more fluidly than I speak.
This year, it has been spoken over me that I would write more. I haven’t been sure of how that would come to fruition, but I have seen myself writing more and more, whether it is comments in online Bible study and church services, social media posts, little notes, digital artwork, or blog posts, I have been slowly seeing more words flow from my mind through my fingertips.
It’s even been spoken over me that I should or will write a book some day. Time will reveal that, I’m sure, although I cannot even begin to imagine what I would fill an entire book with.
This morning, I watched church from home once again, still recovering from the after effects of my second positive Covid test and infection at the end of September. Today, our pastor and his wife, again, spoke over me in regard to releasing writing. Then, to my surprise, the service was about creativity and how we are all crafters in our own ways. We all bring things to life.
As I sat and listened and reflected on my own personality and my love of making things, often times to bless other people, I remembered the weekend prior to getting sick again.
I attended a women’s conference at my friend’s church- the Enough Conference. This year, it was focused on being equipped and empowered, and reflected quite a bit on the pandemic we are currently living through. Multiple times, it was asked, “what are you afraid of, what’s holding you back?” The premise is that we are all living through a scary, overwhelming, unknown time in our lives, but we are surviving and overcoming it all. If we can get through these days, what is keeping us from our purposes?
I recall, that weekend, wondering what my purpose is. What am I supposed to be bringing to this world right now? If I was created for such a time as this, what am I supposed to contribute to this time?
Those questions lasted a few days, until one night, I laid in my bed, and the words “empowered” and “equipped” kept circling around in my mind.
Years ago, I wrote poetry, frequently, in my bed, in the dark, with my pen on the paper and unable to see what my script looked like until morning. I would let it fly from my fingers without criticism until I refined it in the daylight.
That night, I pulled out my phone, and with very little editing involved, I let the words glide onto my screen.
I love music, especially worship music. I sometimes think of my own testimony as a worship song, although it’s not really put to an audible melody. After I wrote these words, I thought of them as worship as well, although they too, lack an audible melody. I haven’t been sure of what I am supposed to do with these words, so they’ve been sitting in secret for almost two months.
This morning, I felt it was time to release them. I wrote this as a reminder to myself on the days and nights I wonder, questions, and struggle. I have spent many hours searching, and sometimes, I search for so long that I see right past the beautiful, simple, wholesome answers that God provides.
Perhaps you’re out there, much like I was, and have been multiple times, wondering what your purpose is in times such as these. Perhaps, you wonder who you are inside. Perhaps, you wonder what your value is in this world. These words are for you, too.
Let me assure you, you have a purpose, you are a beautiful, treasured creation, and God has a plan for you. There’s something only you can bring to this world. You too, were created for such a time as this.
I pray you know that you are cherished, important, and Loved.
You tell me that I'm a masterpiece-
A wonderful creation, I am unique,
And I know in my heart it is true,
Because I put all of my trust in You.
But some days, I find myself confused.
I pray and wonder “what should be my use?”
I try to read between the lines
Of the words you write over my life.
I peel the layers off the canvas that you paint,
And inspect each imprint on this clay,
Just to see if I can figure out who I'm supposed to be.
But, when I'm finally still and breathing in
Your Spirit floating like the wind,
And soak in the gentle melody
you composed for only me,
I realize it's so simple, I don't need to keep searching.
I'm your beautiful, beloved one,
The sparkle in your fiery eyes,
The one you sent your son to guide
Into your safe and steady arms.
I am chosen and I am equipped,
Empowered for this time I'm living in,
And nothing I can do will change
The way you feel about
Who I am:
Fearfully, wonderfully, beautifully, carefully, joyfully, perfectly made.
I am your Love.
I will not live a life of fear,
Because the weapons that I need are here
Inside my heart, soul, spirit, and my mind.
The battle rages all around,
But with you the end of war is found.
Death has come knocking at my door.
I will not cower in its shadow anymore.
Your breath of life fills me to overflow...
When I'm finally still and breathing in
Your spirit, floating like the wind,
And soaking in the gentle melody
You composed for only me,
I remember...
I'm your beautiful, beloved one,
The sparkle in your fiery eyes
The one you sent your son to guide
Into your safe and steady arms.
I am chosen and I am equipped,
Empowered for the time I'm living in,
And nothing I can do will change
The way you feel about me,
What you see when You gaze upon me,
The person I am called to be,
Who I really am-
I am your Love.
I am made to Love.
So, let me Love.
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