Dearest Collin,
Today, you learned what a decade is. You love learning random facts, and were very excited to know that it means ten years, and that after tomorrow, you only have one more year until you are a decade old.
Only one.
That sounds so long to you. To me, it's such a brief moment.
Tomorrow morning, in the early hours, you will become nine years old.
I do not know where the time has gone.
This has been yet another whirlwind of a year, filled with many trials and obstacles, as a family and individually for you as well. I feel like I've been living in a weird, timeless daze for 18 months, and my mind just cannot comprehend that another year of your life has passed us by. Quite honestly, I feel a little bit robbed, but I will try hard not to dwell on that.
While in this timeless bubble I seem to have found myself in, I was blessed to have extra time with you and your siblings. Our world had to drastically slow down for quite some time, and although we spent a lot of time doing little, we invested a great amount of time being with one another. Sometimes, especially when feeling robbed of years together, that is a great blessing even when it's frustrating. I know that you all spent many days tripping over each other, lacking enough personal space, and being bored at home, but somehow, we all came out of it happier and stronger. It had been years since I had seen you and your brother play together as long and as well as you did this year. It had been years since you and your sister played so harmoniously, laughed so hard, and made so many messes together. It had been quite a while since I had received so many snuggles. So, even amongst all of the pain and loss that occurs with stressful times, I am so grateful.
The end of last year in school was difficult, you were overwhelmed, and I wasn't sure how to help you. One day, something just clicked, and God lined up miracles to get everything lined up for you to have a more successful year this year. It's only been four days, but in those four days, the school staff and I have seen such a beautiful flourishing of your academic spirit, patience, persistence, and joy.
I am so proud of you for pressing onward, even when it's hard and you are so very down on yourself, and growing stronger in the process. I am very excited to see the potential for the year ahead to be one of the best ever.
Ollie Bear, I am so grateful for you- for your constant, undeniable (even when you're mad) love, your hugs, your snuggles, your goofy jokes and beautiful laugh. I find delight in the twinkle of your "Van Gogh Hazel" eyes that look like a glorious painting. I love that I have found myself understanding the complexity of your mind even more deeply, and loving you even more fiercely in the process. The world is a better place with a mind like yours in it, I promise.
I am proud of the protector spirit inside of you, you, sometimes to a fault, will stand up against those who try to bring down those you cherish. I love that you care about the littlest ones and the "least of these" in this life. Your spirit is so fierce sometimes that I have to temper you down, but the passion and love that drives you is incredible and it's something I hope you never lose.
I love watching your imagination fire in your play. I love that you still love dinosaurs and know so much about them. I love that you love to share knowledge.
This year, I pray that your confidence grows. I pray that you realize you hear Jesus, maybe not audibly, but in your heart, and even over the noise in the "race car brain" that's always running inside of you. I pray you continue to find restrain and self control, patience, and resilience. I pray that you are able to hold fast to the truths and good things that make you who you are, and let negativity and lies crumble to the floor. I pray you never lose your curiosity and find exciting ways to keep learning things. I pray for another year of your snuggles and we can hold onto your "little big" side just a little bit longer. I pray that your relationships with others blossom and form strong roots. I pray that this is your best year yet.
I hope that you forget about that "wasssuuuuuup" commerical we saw at the baseball game with your grandpa, and stop scaring me with that greeting when it's quiet and I'm focused.
I love you, little bird. I'm so glad that you're mine.
Always,
Momm-o
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