Stay-at-Home

It seems lately, that I, and my little family, is in the midst of a season of change. Here's two that I'm talking about that really are affecting our home.

I am pregnant again, which I already blogged about. It's one of the most exciting things to happen in our family since... well, since Spencer was born. We are thrilled at the prospect of welcoming our second child into our family in August. We talk about it frequently, and I am finally starting to feel like it's "real" and that it will last this time. Though, admittedly, I'm still cautiously hopeful.

In a few weeks, I begin my "stay-at-home-mom" audition. A try-out, perhaps.

I have loved working with one of my best friends, doing daycare in her home. But, with the addition of a second child into our family and the knowledge that it just won't work out as nicely to continue that path once the baby comes, coupled with the fact that there have already been complications with this pregnancy that we've not experienced with the past two, and the mounting stress of those situations, along with the realization that daycare is not a "money maker" and by me not continuing to work with her, she can earn more income, we decided to "split up." Not break up a friendship, by any means, but rather, just the business.

After much talk with Jake, about whether to take on a child or two in our tiny place, or to find a "high enough paying part time job to put SJ in a daycare part-time hours which would still allow me to be his primary care giver all days of the week," Jake suggested that perhaps, we try working out our budget and finances in a way that allows me to stay at home with Spencer. Since I will be bringing out second child into the world at the end of the summer, it also seems to make less sense to find a job and have to go on leave, if it's not going to make much financially anyway, there might not be much of a benefit. And, like I said, financially, doing daycare doesn't provide much for our family either.

So, starting mid-February, we're going to try it out. If it doesn't work financially, though we're hoping it will, then we'll reconsider other options.

Jake seems pretty excited at the idea. He said so on the phone this evening again.

I'm pretty excited. I like the idea of having more time to keep our house in order. To organize. To work on a more steady schedule for Spencer, eating, nap, and bedtime wise. I think that will be good for him. It will be good for all of us, hopefully.

And, hopefully, it will allow me to take it "easier" with this pregnancy. Although the sciatica is mostly gone, some days, it flares up pretty badly. Most days, I still can barely sit on the floor to play with Spencer for any extended period of time because of the piercing pains in my hips and legs. But, we work through it, and sometimes we just play on the couch or the bed. And with the SCH that has caused some bleeding and spotting over the past two weeks, trying not to do a lot of lifting and heavy movements or work will be easier when it's just us at home, hopefully. (For the record, Jake has been so helpful with things like laundry, since it, oddly, hurts to carry baskets full up and down the stairs...) Though, we're praying there are no more complications along the way, we're just being practical in realizing that there just may be. I had hardly an issue with Spencer, and up until losing Sprout, none there either.

Though, I must be completely honest. As excited as I feel at times, there are other times I feel completely terrified. I look at Spencer, and it freaks me out to think it's going to be just us. What if he gets sick of me? What if I don't "raise him right?" What if he resents me for "taking away his friends" and social interactions? What if we don't get along? What if we're both miserable? What if I get super lonely?

There are just so many things to think about when it comes to the situation of staying home with your child. While I think it'll be a great thing for our family, how can I be sure? I can't, I guess. So, we'll just try it out and see how it goes.

I find it kind of amusing. I have always wanted to be a mommy, but truthfully, I never saw myself as a stay-at-home mother. But, then, it took us so long to conceive Spencer, that as soon as I got pregnant, I secretly wanted nothing more. Though, I spent the last year and a half trying to convince myself otherwise. I guess, even if it doesn't end up working out in the long-run, at least I have been blessed with the opportunity to try.

Prayers are appreciated! So is advice.