I apologize in advance if this jumps around a bit.
I've had a lot on my mind lately. Ever since a local girl lost her family in a tragic one-car accident, I can't get her off my mind.
I can't get family off my mind.
I can't get mortality off my mind.
The whole incident had weighed me down last week. Until Friday. I prayed for her again, and suddenly felt more hopeful for her future and coping and living life until she meets them again.
But the finality of death, the shortness of life... The fact that my dad is over 50 and my mom approaching 50 in the next year or so... The fact that my husband is 30, that I will be 30 in October... My siblings are in their twenties and teens... Spencer is 2... And Collin just turned 6 months... all of those things seem heavier to me somehow.
Life is so short. It could end minutes from now.
There are things I want to tell my sons someday. I want to tell them about how hard it was to have them, how badly we wanted them, how long and hard we waited and prayed.
How much they were loved before they even existed.
I tell them countless times a day, "I love you SO MUCH." I hope that soon enough they will comprehend what that means.
But not too soon. Life flies by too quickly. You don't see that fact coming until you've spent years on this earth.
I will tell them about their births, their childhoods.
I will tell them how hard their daddy worked so mommy could spend every day watching them grow and caring for them so a stranger didn't have to.
I will tell them about our financial crisis and how we were terrified every day that we may end up homeless.
I will tell them how we came out stronger. And how we were surrounded by love. Not only from our nuclear family of four, but by others... Family, friends, and strangers who cared.
I will tell them that they matter, not only to their parents, but to the world.
I will tell them that EVERYONE matters. Everyone deserves to be loved by somebody.
I hope that my time with them can show them that, too.
I will tell them how it was because if people loving is and helping us through that I was able to start a small business while being home with them. It started because I wanted to give them some homemade, beautiful things. And to share those things with a friend or two. And how the sharing, out of love and gratitude, produced the Spenk & Ollie line.
And, I will tell them that because of those things, in their honor, I... We... Have already been able to make a difference for other's lives. Not by product, necessarily, but by giving. Because, out of gratitude, and my constant desire to make the world better somehow, I have decided that a purpose for the business will be to help. In small ways now, maybe bigger someday, but to help.
To help a diabetic toddler and her family acquire a life saving Diabetes Alert Dog.
To help a homeless teenager and her 4 month-old have a place to call home, finally, for the next year.
While I... We... Didn't support these causes alone, I believe in my heart that every small gesture can lead to a big result, somehow.
I will tell them that we are a part if a bigger purpose. I will tell of how there is strength in numbers. I hope that they will be love warriors, and fight for what love can do to better the world.
I will tell them that love should always win.
God willing, I will tell them these things, and many more.
And, if by some tragedy I am unable, I hope that someone can tell them my words for me.