Saturday, June 11, 2016

I try not to wallow...

This evening, as I scroll through Facebook in my wind-down time, I see all sorts of posts about weddings and marriages and anniversaries. It is summer after all, which means wedding season is in full-swing.

Last summer, I don't remember noticing that as much. It's likely because I was stressed with trying to get my life in order and move out from the homeless shelter transitional housing and start our lives over.

This year, though... It's a different story.

Just last night, I saw something online about someone's anniversary, and it dawned on me that August 5th should have been a celebration of 10 years of marriage for me and my former husband.

Seeing all of these joyful summer wedding posts has me feeling a bit miserable tonight. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for others, but it doesn't negate my own heartache.

I had a summer wedding, once. I was engaged to the man of my dreams, as they say, who was promising me his whole life, everything and all things, no matter what, come what may. 

I was like most brides- anxious and expectant and excited beyond belief that it was my turn.

It's amazing how my simple little dream wedding lead to the nightmare ending that it did.

I sit here and wonder "why me? Why, out of all these summer weddings, was my story the one culminating with lies, control, manupulation, betrayal, abandonment, and divorce?"

I know I shouldn't wallow. I try not to. 

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