I woke early and began praying over my babies before their eyes ever opened. Last night was rough for Norah, as she laid her head on her pillow, she started crying. I asked why and she gave me a reason, but I didn't think it was the real reason, so I asked if she was nervous for school. She shook her head yes and began crying, unleashing all of her worries and fears. She had been putting up a brave face for a while, and it was good, although almost unbearable to walk through, the flood gates opening wide. I prayed overnight that she would be filled with peace in the morning.
Each of my babies put on their first day of school clothing in a hurry, and sat at the table, full of giggles and smiles as I finished preparing for the day. We then headed out front for our annual first day photos. We had time to spare, so little miss asked if we could go to daycare and she could surprise her best friend (my coworker) before school, like we have visited her for almost every day for five years. She was so excited to open the door and jump through and give her hugs before school started. Then, we met up with their dad who gave them his well wishes on his way to work, and off we went to find a parking spot fairly close to the school. We managed to be only about two blocks away.
The walk, as it was two years ago, and three years ago, was pretty quiet. The children shuffled along in a line at first, and then two in front, and then three all together, as we neared the school. When we were about a block away, big brother bear Spencer insisted he hold his little sister's hand the rest of the way.
We got to the playground and, as usual, it was filled with all sorts of excited and nervous energy, happy laughter, tearful smiles, and people all over the place. Collin immediately found his class line and some friends, and we almost had to beg him for a hug each before he told us to have a good day and went off on his own. Norah and I walked Spencer to his line and hugged him, before she transferred her hand from his to mine. She hadn't said much yet, so I asked if she was excited and she gave a quiet "yes" while looking shocked at the amount of people around her. Eventually, she spotted some of the kids she has spent most of her life with at daycare, and hugged them, finally excited for the day to come.
We found her line and stood together, and I asked if we could take a picture together. She said yes, and we both smiled at the phone. As soon as I had the photo taken, she turned to hug me, and the bell rang. Lines started moving inside, and she began to cry. She was scared, she was nervous, and she was afraid she would miss me all day. She didn't know if she could do it. I held her close and reminded her she's brave and that she would see me in a few hours. I nearly had to peel her off of my torso, before she released enough to be just holding my hand, and I walked her as far as I could to the door.
As she went inside, I realized I was crying, too.
I cried on the way to work. I calmed myself enough to go inside.
Then her best friend asked me if we made it through okay. I said yes, but my voice was already crying.
I was okay for three hours before I cried again.
The hardest part was that I couldn't just hear her voice, text her teacher upstairs to check on her, or walk there myself. I knew I wouldn't just randomly see her in the hallway. She was far away with a teacher I don't really know, for the first time ever. Almost five years in the same building is a hard tradition to break.
I received a text from a friend who works at the school, saying she saw Miss Norah and she was doing amazing. I felt so much better.
Both Spencer and Norah visited me at work briefly after school and said they had great days. At the end of the day, Collin reported the same. I was also told that Norah was so kind at school that there was another little girl crying at recess because she missed her mom so much, and Norah helped her to feel better. My heart about burst.
I knew it was going to be okay. I knew what I told myself the other night- it was time to let her go and spread her light, her love, and her joy at the school.
Tonight, as I sit here, all three sound asleep within minutes after a long and overwhelming day, and I am filled with anticipation at hearing what will come of their lives, all in the elementary school, shining their light. I pray that they will make the world a better, brighter place. I let them all go. I have tears on my face as I realize the younger years are done, the baby days will never be back, and their journeys are well underway. I pray I've done well in preparing them.
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