Four Years Ago.

Four years ago today, I was called by my maiden name.

Four years ago tomorrow, my name changed.

My world changed.

It's funny to think that it's been four years tomorrow since Jake and I were married. Sometimes it feels like the years went by in a flash. Other times, it seems like we've crammed so much into them that they have gone by at a snail's pace. It's funny how four is a constant, it's the same number no matter how you look at it- the same quantity. But yet, at any given time, it can feel so much different than it did moments before.

I don't remember a lot about four years ago from today, oddly enough. I remember sitting a the reception hall with my mother, my grandmother, and my sisters, arranging and rearranging tables, photographs, and decorations.

I remember, what I think was a wonderful grooms' dinner, where Jake's father and my father took charge of grilling and we spent the evening at park with our wedding party and family. I remember crying happy tears.

I remember going home, and knowing I needed to sleep, and finally being forced to go to bed, while my maid of honor and best man, and my soon-to-be husband finished getting ready for the big day. I remember pressing butter into molds so that it'd be cute on the tables.

Four years ago from tomorrow, though, I can see in my mind like a movie. Getting up, putting on a Schwan's shirt and heading to the hair stylist (with my maid of honor in matching attire). Meeting my bridesmaids there (except my youngest sister and Jake's sister), then going for coffee. Going to the church, getting ready, seeing Jake for the first time (after peeking around a church door trying to catch an early glimpse), the photos, and being whisked into hiding before the ceremony.

I remember being so calm. I hadn't felt so certain of anything before.

My dad walked me down the aisle to "I Believe," by Blessid Union of Souls, played on piano by a friend of mine. The ceremony was beautiful to me. I was told by some dear friends it was the most romantic ceremony they'd seen. (I never was able to see it, as the recording didn't work, but we do have an audio CD that I will most likely listen to tomorrow.)

My favorite part of the ceremony was when I tried (more than once) to put his ring on the right hand, not the left. We laughed. Our photographer caught the moment for us.

Fast forward to when we left the church, and my mother's idea of having birdseed thrown at us came to life. It wasn't the best idea there could have been. I had birdseed wedged into my dress and we had to pit-stop so my personal attendant and I could lift it up and I could shimmy best I could to get it to fall out.

I remember most of the reception, including people eating the butter like it was mints and laughing hysterically as they did so. The speeches, the kisses, the cake, and of course, the dance.

Our first dance was to "A Page is Turned," by Bebo Norman. For our first anniversary, I put on my wedding dress again, and when Jake came home, he pressed "Play" on the CD player where I had attached a note, and I came out of hiding, dressed as I was a year before, and we danced to our song again.

When I hear the songs from our dollar dance, I can remember who I danced with to each song. It's insane to me how vivid the memories are!

I could continue on and on, but I guess I'm probably boring you all.

Jake, if you read this, Happy 4th Wedding Anniversary. I can't wait for the 5th and every one from here on out.