Resigned.

Today, I turned in my resignation of employment at Citibank Family Center. It is an event of paradoxical emotions.

I have been a woman fortunate enough to have loved each of her jobs since becoming a college student. I know that a lot of people cannot claim that for their own careers, but, luckily, I can. This is also somewhat unfortunate, seeing as how I've been through quite a few jobs now, and yet again, have resigned. I've never turned in a resignation feeling great about it, feeling a huge relief, no remorse, no regret, just elation at getting myself out of a job. Nope, I've loved them all for some reason or another, yet, I have had to resign for various reasons, mostly due to location and moving.

At CFS, I was blessed to be the afternoon teacher in the Hedgehog room, which is a room for infants. I had two other wonderful teachers in the room with me, and over the past nearly-two years, I have built, what I consider to be, a good friendship with both of them. I had grown so familiar with seeing them every day but two, on average, of every week of the year, and talking with them about anything and everything going on in my life, that when maternity leave began, I was thrown for a loop. I was home alone with my newborn son who slept a lot, and my dog. Neither talked to me. They listened, but it wasn't the same. The internet and my cell phone were nice fixes for the silence, but it still wasn't the same.

I was given the most wonderful opportunity by my dear friend Jillian, her husband Robert, and their son, Grayson, while I was on maternity leave. They invited me to do in-home daycare with Jillian at their house.

It's basically a perfect opportunity for me. I have the benefit of working and making income, with the benefit of built-in childcare, plus the benefit of raising my own son, so I'd be like a stay at home mom, too. But, it obviously comes with the cost of resigning from the Hedgehogs.

Needless to say, while it sounds like a shoo-in "yes!" to their offer, my resignation didn't come without... well, resignation, from myself. I have spent many hours crying over the thought of leaving yet another job I love. Not only the job, but my fellow Hedgehog teachers, and the Hedgehog families, past and present, and those I was excited to have back in the room in the future. I was leaving the other teachers on my wing, and those in other wings, too. Those are a lot of relationships to leave, again. And, I hate leaving.

When it boiled down to it, though, I knew the right decision was to take them up on the offer. I mean, really. Jake and I struggled for 3.5 years of infertility while married, months and months of heartbreak, thousands of my tears... before having Spencer be given to us in our lives. To leave him for someone else to care for him, day in, and day out, was just really not the right option to choose.

So, it came down to the fact that I loved my job and all the people in it, but I loved my son more.

But I tell you what, I'm still sitting here, crying, knowing that when I go back to visit the Hedgehogs, it's going to be from time to time, not day to day, and I am really, truly, sincerely, going to miss walking through the doors on a daily basis to see my friends.