Saturday, July 11, 2015

Just living with Love.

There have been numerous people who have contacted me in the last few days, having come across the story of my marriage falling apart, possibly being mended, and ultimately that being a farce, and now the children and I are moving forward. 

These messages seem to have similarities. 

First, let me state that there is no need for anyone to apologize or regret not knowing, noticing, or reading my prior blog post. Everyone is busy with many things in their lives, and I am not one to believe that reading my blog should be anyone's priority, nor should stalking my Facebook or Instagram and trying to read between the "missing" stories and photos portraying the life we once had. I am not at all offended if people didn't wonder or ask about it.  In fact, up until recently, I had attempted to be fairly quiet and private about it all, because I wasn't in the right place in my heart to be open about it yet.

So please, no apologies necessary.

Now, many of my friends and family have commented on my strength or my "wonder mom" skills. While it's quite flattering, I feel silly reading those things. 

Most of the past year, I didn't feel as strong as people seem to think I was. In fact, up until the past week, I think I shed at least one set of tears every other day or so (some days much more frequently). I felt overwhelmed and confused often. I felt like I couldn't tackle these obstacles, wall this road, and make it through smiling. I honestly don't think I've ever been so exhausted on emotional, mental, and physical levels in my 31 years. It's been a challenge. And I didn't do it alone. God brought many people into my life to support me and my children as we navigated it all, as I am certain He will as we move forward.

I find it hard to believe I am any sort of "Super Mom." You should see me try and get three kids into daycare most days of the week. They're all independent and I only have two arms! 

But really. I'm doing nothing crazy or super. I'm just loving on my kids, providing for them as best I can, and praying that I can help them grow into being loving, kind, intelligent, humorous, humble, loyal, God-loving individuals. It's not easy, but most days I think I'm doing a pretty good job. Then, of course, Spencer will whap Collin on the back and Collin will shove Norah to chase Spencer and then Norah will scream and cry and take their toys in revenge and they will tattle on her before taking them back and they all three end in tears... And then I wonder if I'm doing a good enough job or if they're all headed for disaster. 

I kid. Sort of. Barely.

There's nothing I feel is extraordinary in anything I do. I am not prideful in saying that. I'm stubborn by nature and don't easily accept help (why yes, I will carry two upset children at once just to save time, and no, it's okay, I can actually open the door too!) but I'm working on it. I'm trying to show my kids (and myself) that it's okay to have help, accept it graciously, and not feel bad. Because honestly, I WANT them to come to me for help when things are just too hard. I'm really working on this with myself- leading by example.

I digress. 

I'm just loving on my kids and trying to provide them with the best life I can, minimize their heartache and confusion, and enjoy what time we have together. I try not to sweat the small stuff, whether it be Collin opening the fridge while I use the bathroom so Norah can open all the yogurts with her teeth, or Spencer washing the bathroom mirror every day with hand soap making it hard to see clearly. There's just little room or reason to get too upset about the piddly little things. I try my best to explain why I think those are poor choices and what would be better and hope that eventually it will sink in. 

That all said, I want to thank you all for your continued love and support!

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