Tuesday, August 16, 2011

So many thoughts, so few words.

Do you ever have so much on your mind that it's hard to put your thoughts to words?

The past few days, that's how I feel.

My sisters left on Sunday, after a wonderful day visit with my father and his girlfriend. I was sad to see them go, but Monday was the sadder day, when I arrived home from work and the house was empty. They weren't here to greet Spencer and I. I miss them already.

I've been thinking about poetry lately, again, and how I haven't written any in ages. Perhaps my poetry has turned to prose, which is modeled solely after my personal thoughts and reflections on my blog. I guess that should be more acceptable to me than it is.

There is so much evil in the world today. On Sunday, a friend told me of a little boy, seven years of age, who was decapitated in Louisiana. The mother's boyfriend apparently confessed to the slaughter. As I updated my knowledge on the story, apparently to agitate my emotions more, or something, I read further that the evil man did it because he'd gotten tired of taking care of the boy, who was wheelchair bound, among other difficulties, and left the head on the sidewalk for his mother to see. Of course, I broke down sobbing for the poor child. I just cannot wrap my head around the vile act, though, of course, I don't really want to.

Then, I further began thinking about how some people in my life are just mean and spiteful. I wish that I, and the rest of my dear friends and family, could avoid them. I don't feel like anyone should be put through some of the things that they are, especially when it's from someone that "loves" them, so to speak. It just blows my mind, and makes my blood pressure boil.

I'm trying to be positive, but not looking forward to the end of the week, when one of my new, but very best friends, and my brother-in-law, leave early in the morning for a new life in Alaska. I know I'll see them both for Spencer's birthday, but beyond that, there's no saying when we'll be in each other's geographical presence again. Yes, we'll have Skype, email, Facebook, text, phonecalls, and letters, but they never truly replace the act of being in the same room.

But, with all the garbage, there's good surrounding us all, too. Sometimes, the smallest gestures are an incredible sign of compassion and love. It's amazing. For example, I'd wanted a hamburger since Saturday night when I picked up Jake from work. Yesterday evening, I still wanted one, and randomly posted it on Facebook (as I do many off-the-wall thoughts), and some dear friends from across town had a hamburger left. He even drove it to our house so I could enjoy it! What a wonderful, spunky, blessing!

And of course, I cannot forget to mention how absolutely amazing Jake is for me. The past week or so, I have been exceptionally exhausted and emotional, and in the middle of the night, more than once, when it wasn't even his "shift," he willingly awoke to change Spencer's diaper and put him back to sleep. I know he loves me. I don't deserve it.

There's more, I'm sure, but I would really like to cuddle up with our beagle (who has been naughty lately (and turned 5 yesterday)) and relax a bit before actually going to bed.

1 comment:

  1. Thank you, i cried, a lot when i read this, and could barely read it out loud to Jesse. I am going to miss you so much, its really hard for me to leave you and Jake and Mr. Spencer. You have all become such a big part of my life, but lucky for me, i know you will always be there, you arent going to be the friends who say they will keep in touch and never do, you wont be the friends who say they will send letters but never do. We are friends by choice, but sisters at heart, I love you dear friend! and lucky for us, your husband and my dear boyfriend are twins, so we really are in each others lives for good :)