Call it whining, or call it just being truthful, the bulk of this entry will probably come off in a negative way, even though I don't actually intend for it to.
I've always, okay, I'm already being dramatic...
I've been totally self-conscious since puberty. Yeah, I know, most teenagers are, and most probably hold onto it somewhat into adulthood. I know I'm not alone in that.
I have always been terrified that I was "part male." Why? Because I have really hairy arms (no, I don't sport other "junk" down below). I have also started putting on weight since puberty, and hated that too, and was always terrified that everyone was staring at me and judging me for being a freak. I still do, truthfully.
I learned last year that these traits that I loathe can most likely be attributed to Poly-Cystic Ovarian Sydrome, which I was told I had. While it brought some comfort, it did not bring any solace to my fear of people staring, judging, and my hatred to see these things about myself.
I finally started "showing" now, while pregnant, and feel like people aren't just looking at me as if I'm extra fat. So, that takes that away for a while, and you can bet, when I'm done being pregnant, I'm going to be working at losing weight again (which I was successfully doing up until pregnancy).
But I'm still always afraid that I'm the freak with the gorilla arms. My husband will attest to this. And now with celebrities like the "pregnant male" I'm just even more self-conscious that people are judging and snickering about it as I sport a baby belly and hairy arms.
I hate summer a little bit for this reason, every year. This year will probably be no different.
I'm in a wedding next Friday, for my best friend, as her Maid of Honor. It's funny, I know I'll look pretty all dolled up in my beautiul dress, with pretty hair. And I know her family has known me since 1991 and they all accept me and love me (or at least I like to think so) for who I am, but there are going to be people there who have never met me, and I just squirm in my shoes thinking about the stares I might get.
But, as always, I sport my proud, happy face and try to pretend I'm not self-conscious in the least.
Anyway, I don't want to end this in a negative fashion, because that's just lame.
So... a Maid of Honor speech! Ack! I haven't written one. I doubt I will. I'll probably just babble on and on and on and on and on and on.... or say something about how Michelle and I have known each other since the beginning of time, more or less, and I love her, and I'm happy for them, and you know, the usual. Maybe I'll shoot for a laugh or two. We'll see.
And I need to break in my shoes!
I'm so excited for this wedding. I haven't been excited for a wedding this much since my own (which of course, was more exciting to me, but that's because it was mine, and I know D&M don't judge me for that)! It's going to be absolutely beautiful, and I do love that it's on a Friday.
Jake will be in the congregation, but hopefully he'll get a good picture or two that I can show ya'll after it's done with.
Oh yeah, and I broke my laptop screen, with my Hercules fingers. But really, I did, with my pointer and my thumb. So I am using my new roommate's computer (Tarah, my cousin, is moving into the basement) for now, and won't be on as much as usual.