My thoughts on public grief in regard to my miscarriage.

I know it is a fairly common practice to keep a pregnancy a secret until one is considered "in the safe zone," or the second trimester. With Spencer, we told the world as soon as we saw the heartbeat. With Sprout, it was the same. I had always thought that I would love to share as soon as we knew the baby was healthy, meaning we saw a heartbeat, so that no matter what happened, we would have people praying.

I am glad we were able to share the joy of Sprout's blessing upon our lives with the world. As short lived as his or her presence was, at least we were able to really celebrate it. And, in a way, I think it may make the great loss a tiny bit more tolerable.

I think had I been forced to bury the miscarriage in secret, the pressure of having to "put on a game face," and pretend nothing is wrong would, undoubtedly, shatter my already broken heart.

While it may seem excessive grief to some, for example, those who do not wish to be a support to my family, at least I am fortunate to be able to grieve, as strong as I need, how I need to, without shame. I am a woman who has always been "blessed" with intense emotion, whether they're positive or negative, they are always strong. I cannot help but weep uncontrollably at the loss of the child I had been waiting to meet, and laugh uncontrollably at the joy of the son I already have. And, I think that's okay.

Writing, for example, my blog, or poetry, has always been a therapy I was gifted to be able to give myself. And, I like to hope that tete will be one person out there, somewhere, who can relate to my words, and find some solace, comfort, or understanding, in my story. From the struggle of infertility, to the joy of the birth of a child after winning the battle, to the joy of a second miracle, to the overwhelming loss of a baby, (or really any situation in between) no one should have to go through any season of life alone.

I can't say that I am not afraid people will judge me or think I'm "pathetic" or "weak" for being as heartbroken and sorrowful as I am, but, I have decided not to let that get me further down.

As I laid in bed before needing to clear my mind in hopes of another night's rest, I realized how absolutely surreal it is to me that in less than a year's time, one of the happiest days of my life came upon me, when our son Spencer was born (read here), and also one of the very saddest days of my life also occurred, the loss of our beloved and anticipated second child, Sprout (read here).