Conflicted.

This post will be pretty vague at times, I must forewarn.

Lately, as in, the past few days, I've been torn.

Someone who was once a good person will no longer be on this earth, shortly.

Now, I'm not one to say that this person is a bad person, really.

They've done some very, very bad things.

But, as a Christian, I've found it's not really my place to judge.

But I do judge, I can't help it, it seems. I repent and pray, but sometimes, I have to admit, I falter and I judge.

Maybe this person has made peace with God. I do not know. I never will, and I guess, that's okay, though, I really wish I could know.

When this person is gone, I am not sure how I will feel. Will I weep? If I do, will it be because of a loss in my life? Or will it just be out of sorrow for the loss in the family members lives? I know I will weep for them. Despite the bad things this person has done in the past, the person definitely did great things, too, including bringing family into the world. Family that I love dearly. So, for that, at least, I am grateful. And to know that the family will be losing someone does break my heart. Though, I am not sure how all of the family feels about it, either. But I guess that is okay, too. It's not always my place to know everything.

Sometimes, I wish I knew nothing.

I really don't know.

I just don't know.

I do know that I do not wish this person to suffer. I do not have it in my heart for that.