Sunday, March 27, 2011

There goes my hero...

The Foo Fighters have this awesome song that my husband just loves. It's called "My Hero." There are various sources that say this song is a tribute to Kurt Cobain, but then others say that's made up, so who knows. It doesn't really matter for the point of my post, anyway. Moving on... It's a pretty fantastic song. I enjoy it quite a bit too. Of course, as is the case with most songs, I prefer the acoustic version. Here's a youtube video of it for those who'd like to listen.

Naturally, since Jake loves the song so much, when I hear the opening, I automatically think of him. However, over time, it's really become a song to me that is about him. Truthfully.

As I mentioned in my last blog, I had surgery last week to remove a cyst on my tail bone.

My husband has been absolutely wonderful. He not only took me in for surgery and brought me home, but has been working really hard for me to heal.

That means that he's been doing most of the chores and taking care of the baby. Yes, he's basically taken on my role while I'm home, and also his own while he's home, and even went to work yesterday to make sure we would have funds to get us by. He's been working really, really hard.

I don't know how to tell him properly that I appreciate his dedication and loyalty, his love and compassion, and his selflessness as much as I really do. I used to feel like I was quite a linguist, but then I realize that my emotions don't always line up with words as well as I'd like... meaning, words aren't as meaningful as I'd hoped. I've given gifts and planned dates or outings for us in the past to show appreciation, but that doesn't always cut it either.

Maybe I'll let him take a nice long nap. Haha.

Seriously though, he's been the biggest blessing this week.

I haven't been able to move well, sit against my back, bend, and lift things. So, while I feel I've been neglecting Spencer, Jake has really been there. He has given most every bottle, baby food meal, every bath, changed nearly every diaper, picked him up almost every time he was sad, and he has gotten up every single time in the middle of the night, except once last night, because I was up and felt like I could manage.

That's right. Wednesday night, Thursday night, Friday night, and Saturday night... every time Spencer woke, except once.

For the record, Spencer hasn't been a real peach the past few nights, either. It turns out, after Jake took him into acute care this morning, he has another ear infection. That explains the various fevers and waking up screaming multiple times in the night.

I must confess, had it been me getting up every night like that, I can't honestly, with 100% certainty say that I wouldn't have let a comment like this slipped through my lips at some point... something like... "Ugh, I'm just so tired since I've had to get up every time."

I wouldn't have even meant for it to be a slam against Jake, but thinking about it, I'm sure he would feel that way, had I said that.

I can say with 100% certainty, however, that he has not once complained about all the extra work he's been putting in around the house, for me to heal. (Or, if he has, I haven't heard it.) He also hasn't said that I have to get up every single time once I'm completely healed for the same number of nights that he's done it for me. I know I wouldn't say that to him (or mean it if I did say it jokingly, as I really might jokingly throw it out there), but I wouldn't blame him for saying it to me.

That's is FANTASTIC.

He has helped me shower. He's helped me put on pants. Helped me put on socks. Helped me put on shoes. Helped me walk, helped me stand up and sit down. And he's made most of the meals... including warming up those that were given to us and serving them.

Yesterday, he worked. I know I whined a few times to him about how hard it was to be at home with sick Spencer, alone, in pain, unable to take my meds, unable to care for him to the "perfection" I try to attain regularly... and yet, when he got home last night, the first thing he said is "You can drug yourself and sleep now."

So selfless.

This morning, he got up early to shower, and take Spencer to the doctor, and is now at church for both services. Spencer is at the church nursery. We weren't sure I should be trying to lift the car seat into the big suburban and then get in it and drive myself, since I can't lean against this tube and it feels like it's pulling and it's painful when I stretch too bad... so I'm home completely alone for the first time since the surgery. I thought it a great opportunity to write this tribute before I go lie down again (because the pain medications are still making me dizzy and woozy).

I am so impressed. I am so grateful. I am SO FORTUNATE that Jake has been here for me.

He really is my hero. He has been in the past for all the small reasons... this is just another, a bigger reason, that he remains my hero.

"There goes my hero, watch him as he goes. There goes my hero, he's ordinary. Kudos my hero, leaving all the best..."

I love you, Jacob (because I know you'll read this).

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